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Code Name: Mama

Funktastic

March 11th, 2010

In lieu of a post with a week full of toddler/preschooler activities* today, I’m opening up the floor to you.

I’ll start with a confession: I have been spiraling into a fantastic funk over the past two weeks. I think it’s partially chemical (this isn’t the first time I’ve flirted with depression) and partially situational (doesn’t it seem like all the little bad things come in bunches?).

Frankly My Dear . . .

Depression sucks. For me, I start slowly slipping into a near-constant state of “I don’t give a damn.” Activities with Kieran go unfinished. Posts go unwritten. Dinners go uncooked. Emails go unanswered.

And all of those undone things make me feel bad about myself. It is my responsibility to give Kieran fun and educational experiences! I should produce new content on a set schedule! I need to cook healthy dinners for my family! I have to stay in touch with friends, family, and peers!

And so the spiral winds down deeper.

Breaking Free of Depression

Once the shackles of depression have clamped around my spirit it is difficult to break free, even after I realize what’s happening.

I think it would be healthy for me to have a list of things to try when I recognize the signs of depression.

So, friends, what do you do when you feel a funk settling in?

What are your sure-fire ways to get back into a healthy emotional state?**

_____________________________________

*The activities from last week on “Ireland” are still appropriate for this week – St. Patrick’s Day is Wednesday!

**Thank you to all of the wise women in my parenting group who answered these same questions for me yesterday.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Calling All Writers: I Want Your Guest Posts

March 10th, 2010

toddler drawing on wallYou may have noticed two new widgets on my sidebar about guest posts.

The first one gives you links to my recent guest posts on other sites – please click, comment, and spend a little time visiting the sites that allow me to share with different readers.

The second widget is a call for guest posts that I can publish here on Code Name: Mama. I’m going to copy and paste the details below, but you can click on the widget link anytime. Please consider submitting a guest post – I’d love to feature your writing!

Natural Parenting Guest Post Exchange

The Carnival of Natural Parenting that I co-host every month has been such a blessing. It has given me the opportunity to meet and interact with many wonderful like-minded bloggers and read great content. It has also challenged me to be a better writer.

To strengthen the bonds forged through the Carnival as well as in the many natural parenting discussions available on Twitter, Mothering, and more, I would like to introduce a Natural Parenting Guest Post Exchange.

In the Guest Post Exchange, I envision collaborating with another writer/blogger on a topic that is loosely related to natural parenting. The two posts can be as creative as our imaginations allow: they can compare/contrast two NP topics; they can be stand alone posts or two parts of a whole; they can be picture montages, videos, interviews, articles, etc. (All posts will be subject to the guest post guidelines below; let me know if you have any questions about or concerns with the guidelines.)

We will post our articles on the same day, mutually promote and comment on the posts, and follow up as needed.

I will link to your site not only on the post, but also on a permanent page on Code Name: Mama. I will also promote our collaboration on social networking sites including Twitter and Facebook.

Please contact me if you are interested in an exchange.

Traditional Guest Posts

If you do not have your own site, or if you are simply not interested in exchanging guest posts, you are still invited (encouraged!) to submit a guest post for consideration for inclusion on Code Name: Mama (Good gawd that sentence was awkward).

To get started, please read the guidelines below. If your guest post will meet the guidelines, send me an email and let me know what topic you want to write about. If you have a sample of your writing, I would love to see it too. We will work from there to get your post published on Code Name: Mama. Remember, I reserve the right to edit (and veto) all submissions (but I will never make a substantive change without discussing it with you first).

Guest Post Guidelines

What is/isn’t accepted:

*Original Content (cannot be previous posted/published/etc anywhere)
*No product reviews
*Please include at least one image; it cannot be more than 500px in width and you must either own or have permission to use the picture
*You may link to your website in the “mini-bio” at the bottom of the entry
*No affiliate codes, “paid” blogging, or referral links
*No judgmental, condescending posts or reply comments. My philosophy: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I will not publish posts or comments that are disparaging or judgmental (with very few exceptions that have not yet occurred – but I’d better leave that door open in case ;) ).

Accepted Topics
(The following lists are not exclusive, if you have an idea that is not listed, let me know)

Natural Parenting

*Breastfeeding
*Intactivism/No Circumcision
*Consensual Living
*Co-Sleeping/Family Bed
*Gentle Discipline
*Cloth Diapers
*Green/Eco-Conscious Living
*No/Delayed/Selective Vaccinations
*Homeschooling

Toddlers

*Toddler Activities
*Life with Toddlers
*Full-Term/Extended Breastfeeding
*Challenges of Parenting Toddlers
*Feeding Toddlers

General Topics

*Blogging Tips (especially as they related to women/mama bloggers)
*How-To Entries (including crafts, recipes, etc.)
*Mothering
*Family Relationships (whether you are single, in a relationship, living in a non-traditional household, etc.)

Formatting

*Use shorter paragraphs (3?–?6 sentences each), your post will be easier to read
*The entry must be at least 600 characters or more
*Organize your thoughts, use headings or lists when possible, be clear, concise, and straightforward
*Proof read. Proof read twice! Now proof read a third time. I will edit, but I do not want to spend time fixing spelling and grammar mistakes that Word would easily pick up.
*Please write a short bio/”about” paragraph (about 3 sentences) that will be included at the end of the entry

Commenting

*Writers are expected to visit the post to check on any comments, respond to comments, etc. If the writer has any questions or problems with a comment, please let me know as soon as possible. Again, no judgmental or condescending reply comments.

Thanks to Sarah at one starry night for having an excellent guest post policy that I modified for this page.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Vintage Green

March 9th, 2010

Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Vintage Green!

This is the third monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month we’re writing about being green — both how green we were when we were young and how green our kids are today. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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The great thing about “going green” is that so much of it is easy on the wallet. When I tried to think about ways my family was green growing up, all I kept coming up with were the ways my parents were cheap. Here are a few examples of how my mom and dad scrimped and saved while being environmentally friendly (if not consciously so), and how my own family is green today:

1. Buying Second Hand or Accepting Hand-me-downs: My mother and maternal grandmother were the queens of the garage sale. They could sniff out a sale within a 5 mile radius, and believe you me they would turn that car around to get their bargain hunting on. I got some of the coolest – and most hideous – things from garage sales. The best? A few rockin’ record albums (Slippery When Wet, Thriller, and the like). The worst? An itsy bitsy teeny weeny puke yellow bikini that my grandma gifted me when I was about 10 years old. It was an abomination; thankfully my mom didn’t make me wear it to “be nice.” My parents were also not ashamed to accept hand-me-downs, whether they be clothes, furniture, dishes, etc. Our financial situation required it, but it was also Earth friendly.

Today, Tom and I scour garage sales and thrift stores for both reasons: First, because it makes little sense to waste $15 on a shirt for Kieran that he will only wear a handful of times. Second, because that $1.25 shirt at the thrift store is better for our bank account. And we don’t just shop secondhand for Kieran, we do it for everything. We figure that vintage goods have more personality. Plus, we have a toddler in the house (and a clutzy mama) – why buy expensive stuff that has a good chance of being broken?

2. Cloth Diapering: Cloth diapers are the environmentally responsible choice when used appropriately (wash in full loads, line dry when possible, etc.). My parents fell into cloth diapering after I got persistent diaper rash from disposables. They kept using cloth with my sisters because it was cheap. Of course the diapers mom used on us were plain white prefolds with the stereotypical rubber pants. She might have used duck-head pins to dress them up.

Today, Tom and I use cloth for a variety of reasons, but the main two are cost and environmental. Disposable diapers can run parents anywhere from $1600 to $4,150 for only two years of diapers. Cloth will typically run you far less than $1000. We’ve kept our diaper expenses below $500 by buying secondhand at sites like DiaperSwappers. We can recoup part of that cost by either using them again on a second child or by selling them after Kieran is out of diapers. The best part? Cloth is so much cuter now than it was when I was sporting it.

3. Gardening: My grandparents gardened for leisure and to save money at the grocery store. My parents grow a variety of flowers and vegetables for the same reason.

Today, Tom and I are expanding our garden every year as we get more experience. We are also committed to gardening in a way that is healthiest for our family and the environment. There is really little better than eating the fruits (and vegetables) of your labor.

4. Creatively Repurposing Your Stuff: My mom and my grandmother (who was basically my second mother) used to drive me crazy with the way they would reuse everything. My grandma – a product of the Depression – saved bread bags, twist ties, plastic butter containers, cardboard tubes, bits of fabric, buttons, every single Christmas card she ever received, pens, matchbooks, the list is endless. She bordered on the obsessive. And oddly enough, she’d actually use that stuff again. Plastic butter containers would be surreptitiously slipped from her purse to hold leftover fish and chicken from Old Country Buffet (she fed them to her cats). Bread bags would cover rarely used kitchen appliances to ward off dust. Et cetera.

My mom did the same thing. The one thing that sticks out in my mind? Pantyhose and soap. The woman made us save soap slivers. Once there were enough slivers (did she count? weigh them? I don’t know!), she would take the foot part of pantyhose that had too many runs to wear anymore, put the soap slivers inside, and tie it up. Then we would use the foot soap in place of a bar. Ew.

Today, Tom and I are also big advocates for repurposing things that may otherwise be thrown away. Kieran has a couple of huge (formerly pretzel) containers holding his blocks and trains. I reuse glass jars for freezing and storing dried goods like beans and rice. When I freeze certain things in Ziploc bags (waffles, rolls of cookie dough), I save the bags to use again once they are empty. We save containers to make toys for Kieran – different sized plastic containers have become piggy banks and shakers, cardboard tubes are now tunnels for his Matchbox cars, and oatmeal containers are integral to art projects (put a piece of paper inside, squirt in some tempera paint, throw in a couple of rocks, put the lid on, and shake).

I draw the line at pantyhose soap slivers though.

How about your family? Were you green growing up to be Earth friendly, or to save money?

Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Code Name: Mama and Hobo MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated March 9 with all the carnival links.)

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Posted in Activities for Toddlers, Arts & Crafts, Carnival of Natural Parenting, Diapering, Family Life, Going Green, Homey Goodness, My Family, Parenting | 21 Comments »

Acknowledging Children’s Feelings

March 8th, 2010

Recently I shared some suggestions I found helpful from the first chapter of “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk.” The book begins by listing some of the common ways parents react to statements by their children and offering healthier alternatives. One important step in dealing with children’s feelings is to acknowledge those feelings with words.

It is important to help children identify their emotions. Emotions are such an abstract concept. While there are certain physical qualities of emotions that parents can help point out in others (“Look at how Jane’s shoulders are slumped down and her face looks sad. I wonder if she is feeling lonely because no one is playing with her”), it is even more important to name emotions for your child as she is feeling them.

When your child approaches you with something, resist the urge to give advice or solve the problem. Instead, put a name to the emotion and use just a few words to show you understand how your child is feeling.

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sad toddler boy sits in blue laundry basket
Child:
“I had to give a book report in front of the class, but I couldn’t remember what I’d written. I just stood there forever. Everyone laughed at me!”

Parent:
Instead of “Maybe next time you should rehearse your report in front of the mirror a few times.”
Try “That must have been embarrassing for you!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Child:
“I hate playing with Will. He always has to take the best toys and never wants to share.”

Parent:
Instead of “But you really like Will. Maybe you need to try being nicer to him.”
Try “Boy that would be frustrating.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Child:
“Ella told me she was going to ask me to stay the night this weekend, but she never called.”

Parent:
Instead of “Well let’s rent a movie and have fun together.”
Try “You sound pretty disappointed that you haven’t heard from her yet.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

By resisting the urge to solve problems or make everything better, it gives your child the opportunity to struggle through the problem and come up with his own solution. Children need to have experience wrestling with tough emotions and situations. The adult can be there to listen with empathy and reflect the child’s feelings.

The scenarios above are, of course, just the beginning to a longer conversation. Here is an example from the book of a real situation reported by a parent:

A father in our group reported that his young son came storming into the house [and said] “I’d like to punch that Michael in the nose!” The father said, “Normally the conversation would have gone like this:”

Son: I’d like to punch that Michael in the nose!
Father: Why? What happened?
Son: He threw my notebook in the dirt!
Father: Well, did you do something to him first?
Son: No!
Father: Are you sure?
Son: I swear, I never touched him.
Father: Well, Michael is your friend. If you take my advice, you’ll forget the whole thing. You’re not so perfect you know. Sometimes you start up and then blame someone else – the way you do with your brother.
Son: No I don’t. He starts up with me first . . . Oh I can’t talk to you.

But the father had just attended a workshop on helping his children deal with their feelings, and this is what actually took place:

Son: I’d like to punch that Michael in the nose!
Father: Boy, you’re angry!
Son: I’d like to push his fat face in!
Father: You’re that mad at him!
Son: You know what that bully did? He grabbed my notebook at the bus stop and threw it in the dirt. And for no reason!
Father: Hmmm!
Son: I bet he thought I was the one who broke his dumb clay bird in the art room.
Father: You think so.
Son: Yeah, he kept looking at me all the time he was crying.
Father: Oh.
Son: But I didn’t break it. I didn’t!
Father: You know you didn’t.
Son: Well I didn’t do it on purpose! I couldn’t help it if that stupid Debby pushed me into the table.
Father: So Debby pushed you.
Son: Yeah. A lot of things got knocked down, but the only thing that broke was the bird. I didn’t mean to break it. His bird was good.
Father: You really didn’t mean to break it.
Son: No, but he wouldn’t believe me.
Father: You don’t think he’d believe you if you told him the truth.
Son: I dunno . . . I’m gonna tell him anyway – whether he believes me or not. And I think he should tell me he’s sorry for throwing my notebook in the dirt!

The father was astonished. He hadn’t asked questions and yet the child had told him the whole story. He hadn’t given one word of advice and yet the child had worked out his own solution.

So what about you? Do you automatically jump to solving your child’s problems, or do you listen with empathy and encourage her to work through them? I’d love to hear your real life stories.

And if you haven’t ever tried to acknowledge feelings and listen while your child sorts out a problem on his own, I challenge you to give it a shot this week.

On Code Name: Mama, I share information, resources, and my thoughts on natural parenting and life with a toddler. Please take a moment to subscribe to my RSS feed for free updates.

Photo Credit: SWQBRA – Original Here

Posted in Attachment Parenting, Discipline, Parenting | 5 Comments »

Toddler Activities 8 (Ireland)

March 4th, 2010

small irish village on riverThere are a few reasons I am excited to talk about Ireland with Kieran this week. First, St. Patrick’s Day is on March 17, so we’ll be ready to celebrate. Second, we have Irish in our blood, mainly through my dad’s family. Finally, we are planning on a trip to Ireland this summer!

Monday

Morning
*Take a walk outside and talk about all the green things we can see. Bring a few green things back home to examine more closely.

Afternoon
Pretend play
*Pack a Suitcase: Announce you are going on a trip to Ireland. Get a suitcase and have your toddler help you pack. Ask your toddler to bring you certain things: “bring me the yellow ball please”; “can you bring me something soft?”; etc. If your toddler is hesitant, get a puppet out and have the puppet do the asking. The silliness will likely entice your toddler to play. (Idea found in the book Things to Do with Toddlers and Twos.)

3:00-4:00 – outside
4:00-5:00 – Music & Movement

Tuesday

Morning
Fun with numbers
*Shamrock lineup: draw and cut out several shamrocks in various sizes. Encourage your child to line them up from smallest to largest, largest to smallest, etc.

Afternoon
Language/pre-reading
*Color Matching: I will draw a rainbow on paper (with a pot of gold at the end!) and cut out construction paper to match. I will have Kieran match the construction paper to the colors on the paper. We can glue them on after he is done with the matching game.

3:00-4:00 – outside
4:00-5:00 – Music & Movement

Wednesday

Morning
*Make Irish brown bread

Afternoon
Exploring our World
*We will look at a map of Ireland and look up pictures of Ireland online. We will talk about simple facts: Ireland is an island; many farmers used to grow potatoes; many farmers now have flocks of sheep, the wool is used for clothing. I will also try to tell him a simple version of the story about St. Patrick (if anyone has a good children’s version of the story, please let me know!).

3:00-4:00 – outside
4:00-5:00 – Music & Movement

Thursday

Morning
Science Adventures
*Celery Magic: Help your child stir some food coloring into a glass of water. Slice a piece of celery across the bottom, and allow your child time to examine the stalk. Let the celery stand in the tinted water for about one hour. The celery stalk will change color as the water travels upward. Take the celery out of the water, slice it, and examine the stalk again. Try the same experiment with a carrot or a white carnation. (Idea found in the book The Sourcebook: Activities for Infants and Young Children.)

Afternoon
Library

3:00-4:00 – outside
4:00-5:00 – Music & Movement

Friday

Morning

*Slowly and Quickly Chant: Singing familiar songs and doing actions slowly and quickly helps toddlers gain an understanding of tempo in music. Sing familiar songs or nursery rhymes at a very slow tempo; normal; fast.

 Say the following movement chant and do the actions as the words indicate. Emphasize the words slowly and quickly.

Clap, clap, clap your hands, slowly just like this.
Clap, clap, clap your hands, quickly just like this.

Additional verses:
Roll, roll, roll your hands….
Stamp, stamp, stamp your feet…
Rub your hands…
Pound your hands….
Nod your head…
Blink your eyes….
Shake your hands…
Wiggle your body…
Shrug your shoulders…

(Idea from the book The Complete Planning Guide for a Toddler Curriculum.)

Afternoon
Messy Play
*We will make a mural using potato stamps.

3:00-4:00 – outside
4:00-5:00 – Music & Movement

Would you and your child benefit from a weekly activity schedule? I’d love to share with you! Please take a moment to subscribe to my RSS feed for free updates.

Posted in Activities for Toddlers, Arts & Crafts, Creative/Dramatic Play, Educational, Fun & Games, Music, Sensory, Toddler Activity Schedule | 1 Comment »