You're right, though, she's already an amazing person!

dh and i discussed today that we are recommitting ourselves to positive parenting. plus khary's old enough to sit down and talk about what he thinks his consequences should be in certain situations. love that!

This summer, while we were out camping with family, Amelia and I went off to the toilet, and one the way back, she decided to hit me, not such a good plan, and she ended up directly in time out (a different topic for a different day). When my family asked me what had happened (I had aunts and uncles and cousins and such sitting around in a big circle at the time we got back) I told them that she had hit me…to which I got in stereo "Did you hit her back?" UMMMMM, no I did not hit her back, what does that teach her, that it is okay to hit if you are bigger? I can hardly say we don't hit if she has seen me hit.

Obviously, we are not spanking folks, I came from a non spanking home (I remember my dad hitting my sister one time, when she tried to run away and once hitting michael because he decided to wake dad up from a nap by hitting him in the stomach, I am fairly certain that dad was not awake when he socked michael in the face for that one).

We don't have the benefit of separating our child from all the "bad" of the world, we discuss that other parents are not nice to their children and give bad touches. I mean, how else do we explain to her what mommy and daddy do at work. There is not a way of getting around it. Plus, in the end, I hardly do her any service by teaching her that everyone will treat others the way we think people should be treated. I was never so proud as the day I told her about a small child we were working with whose house had burned down and she had no clothes, so we were packing up her clothes that she had outgrown and taking them to the office, and then, I asked her to pick a toy. Instead of picking one she never played with, she chose one that she liked, a baby doll, packed up the doll, and then packed up a diaper bag with diapers, a sippy, a toy, a diaper, etc. and sent it with me to give to the little girl. If I teach her that the world is a white bread, homogenous, everyone treats others and does to others the way we think that they should, then I miss out on an important set of lessons.

"A strong man stands up for himself, a stronger man stands up for others"

It can be hard to break the cycle, but, "If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children."

When I started, I thought I was alone in my feelings that violence against children, no matter the name we use for it, was wrong. Then I found study after study had shown that my feelings were valid. Then I found people like you and it was such a relief to know I wasn't alone.

Oh, and to address the kitty thing–Lilly outgrew it! She's very nice and gentle with kitties now (she went through the same phase) and was never punished for being rough (unless you count the natural consequence of the cats avoiding her). She's only two, almost three, but she's already learned to be more gentle with the animal world.

Now we just have to convince her that just because the boy on the playground pushed her, it doesn't mean she should push back *rolls eyes* It's an open-ended journey–raising these little ones!

A family member and his wife "spank". We just don't see them any more. They aren't open to change, and being around them is too stressful. Their kids are aggressive and sad. The last time we saw them was 3 years ago on July 4th. Their then 6 year old son was doing something dangerous outside with a stick, jabbing it at other people. His father said to stop it, and my nephew said, "Are you going to hurt me if I don't?" My heart just about broke. These people don't "beat" their child, no DCFS would remove them for the level of spanking they do. Obviously (to me at least) that level is still too much. ANY hitting is too much.