Parental Confessions

February 12th, 2010 by Dionna | 41 Comments
Posted in Just for Fun/Miscellaneous

Ok, so maybe a weekly feature entitled “Liner Notes” won’t go over that well. (Whatever, it was funny.)

But what about “Parental Confessions”?

Think about all of the deep, dark secrets we keep. Wouldn’t it be cathartic to confess them to the rest of the world?

I promise, this will be a safe place to air your dirty laundry. No one will judge you.

Here, I’ll start:

I don’t remember the last time I had sex without wearing my socks.

Probably sometime this past fall – well, November I guess (when we went to Orlando – it was warm there).

It’s true. Our house is freezing!

And just for your entertainment, I’ve written a haiku about my confession. Enjoy.


Sheathed in soft cotton –
the winter air won’t touch you.
My hands are jealous.

Your turn – what is your confession? Bonus points if you memorialize it in verse.

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41 Responses to:
"Parental Confessions"

  1. Rebecca

    My confession is …

    Oh …


    If I told you …

    They wouldn’t be secret anymore

    Now, would it.

    Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead – Benjamin Franklin

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      You are NO fun! ;)
      p.s. Everyone can feel free to comment anonymously – but if you have a Gravatar picture associated with your email address, use a DIFFERENT email address to comment. Got it? Good.

  2. Tía Tammy

    I REFUSE to have sex in socks. I even made a certain Tío remove his socks before the act.

    Ummm, so my confession: My senior year of high school Raven and I went to a party out in Seaman district. It started around a bonfire and there was a guesthouse nearby. I needed to go to the bathroom, so I went over to the guesthouse under construction nearby. I had to go find Raven and get some tissues for tp, which should have been my first clue. After doing my business (tmi, but #2, btw), I tried to flush the toilet… no such luck. The plumbing wasn’t hooked up yet. I left and never told anyone.

    That same evening, after we’d moved the party inside the main house, I needed to vomit, but the bathroom was occupied. I went into their laundry room and puked in their washing machine. I was not a very polite drunk in high school.

    An acrostic poem about that evening:

    Doo-doo in your unflushable toilet
    Results in a stinky surprise.
    Nougats in the spin cycle…
    Know that 8 years later, I apologize.

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that is the grossest poem EVER! I’ve got to side with TDT on this one – it grossed me out. ;)

  3. I can’t remember the last time I wore a bra.

    I often take longer then usual potty breaks just so I can get away.

    I often us big words to make me feel smarter but then I think about it later that day only to realize that word didn’t make any sense in the context I used it.

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      I have worn a nursing tank top just about every day for the past 26 months. I’ve worn a nursing bra about 3 times. THREE!

  4. the Grumbles   thegrumbles

    Since becoming a mom I only shower on Wednesdays and Sundays. This would horrify my mother if she ever found out but I swear, I don’t smell or anything!

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      omg I would stink to high heaven if I did this, because (here’s another confession) – I very very rarely wear deodorant. Just one more chemical I don’t want leeching into my bloodstream. Also, I forget baking soda. I can last one day without stinking, but I don’t want to subject a nursing toddler to my pits on day #2.

  5. Although totally juvenile, I think toilet humor is hilarious. I totally laughed out loud at Tia Tammy’s poem. I also laugh every time my 20 month old toots – which I’m sure is giving him a message I’m really going to regret having given him in a few years. At least my kid and I will have something in common when he’s 10.

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      Oh you’re not alone – we all get a giggle out of toots around here too. (Happy to know I’m not the only mama who says “toot” – I used to loathe my mother saying it, but now the word “fart” sounds so uncouth around my toddler’s ears! Ha.)

  6. Mammapie   Rainbowsouffle

    Here’s my confession: motherhood has been the single
    best thing I’ve ever done. I love evey minute of it, even the screaming,
    the fevers, the teething, runny nosed, poo wiping minutes.
    Being a “spouse”? Not so much. It is draining, hard physically and emotionally.

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      I tend to agree – my sister and I actually discussed your comment yesterday, Mammapie. We decided that it’s much easier to forgive a child anything, both because you birthed him/her and because they’re young. My husband? Not as easy for me, but I am definitely working on it. In fact this past week Tom and I started arguing about something stupid and I stopped and said – “hey, you know what? You know how we’re trying to treat Kieran with respect b/c he’s a person just like us? Well, we can treat each other the same way.” Simple, but we are both guilty of forgetting.
      Anyway, hugs! Marriage is very hard, but it can be worth it :) (see my Carnival of Natural Parenting post this past Tuesday)

  7. Bess   MumtoEve

    eek-confession time. Ok here’s mine.
    I am not a morning person but DD always wakes really early so every morning I put on her cartoons, throw dry cereal on the entertainment center for her to eat and then either go back to bed or go on the computer for about an hour.

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      I would do that, but we only do one video a day here (Kieran is hooked on Signing Time, which gives me about 30 minutes of peace), and I save it for the moment I’m about ready to pull my hair out.

  8. Amber   AmberStrocel

    I draw the line at socks. But I feed my toddler cheerios on the floor, in much the same way that you would feed treats to a dog. And I constantly steal the last (cookie, piece of cake, chocolate) and then blame it one of the kids to my husband.

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      Do you make him do tricks for them? ;) (totally kidding!) I do appreciate the stealing of the last treat though. I am shameless about that one.

  9. Katje Sabin

    My child-related guilty secret: when my oldest was almost a year old, I was broke. I had a gift certificate for one of those Sears free 8×10 photos, and I thought that would be a good gift for my parents. However, all Cord’s clothes were pretty thrashed. So… I went to Macy’s, bought a really cute burgundy velvet pair of pants, a white shirt, burgundy suspenders and a bow tie, and a pair of shiny black shoes, all on credit. I dressed him up in it, took the pictures, and returned it all (I kept the little pair of white socks… I couldn’t do bring myself to return those!). I get a twinge every time I see that photo!

    • Heather   xakana

      Katje–My sister did that with her kids–she’d buy the outfit, leave the tags on, then return it XD

      I almost never wear socks at all, can’t stand them–another reason I love Crocs.

      Confession? I don’t have anything funny to confess. Anything I don’t talk about–there’s a good reason. You just don’t want to know ;) And I’m not embarrassed about still liking cartoons or that I giggle when my kids toot or burp or at immature sex jokes.

      Here, ya go… doesn’t embarrass me, but it’s not really TMI or going to come up in many conversations and it’s odd: I like to keep smelling things that stink (with a few exceptions–anything that makes me feel like puking and one whiff of puke will make me do that and some BO I would rather not smell ever–usually adolescents–although some adults don’t bug me) because stinky smells are interesting.

      • Dionna   CodeNameMama

        I definitely do NOT want to keep smelling stink, but why is it that when someone says “ew, something smells” I can’t help but taking one sniff? Why not just take their word for it?!

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      hugs mama – as an ex-retail employee, you are forgiven ;)

  10. I have no qualms about ditching my kids in from of the tv so I can get a few moments of peace and quiet. Oh and my new code name shall be Ninja. I am like one as I creep past them soundlessly to get to the basement and my computer. Ahhh sweet Internet, save my sanity!

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      HA! My son would have to be called the Ninja-discoverer (or something, I’m not feeling very creative today). I cannot sneak ANYTHING past that child – he’s even taken to sniffing my covert chocolate breath (hidden & discretely eaten behind cabinet doors). “What eatin’, mama? NeeNee have? Peez?”

  11. I have no fun things to confess because I’m single and have yet to have kids. But oh how I love reading your blog and reading your reader’s comments!

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      Aww thank you! And you must return once you have kids so that you can divulge all of your deepest darkest ;)

  12. lady madonna

    i wish i had a sex confession. my husband has not wanted to have sex since M. was concieved, over 2 years ago. i am not thrilled, but i have learned to take matters in my own hands. :)

  13. lady madonna

    should mention hubby has an injury and is on serious pain meds that numb *everything* but it is a drag he has ***no*** drive.

  14. Stopping by from SITS :) Happy Saturday!!!

  15. Renaye

    Ok here’s mine… I have not had much of a sex drive since by son was born in October so to avoid it, I purposely stay up later than my husband so he is good and asleep before I go to bed!

  16. jaime

    Ok. Here is a good one. We have three beds in our house (master, spare, and full size on the kids bunk beds). Because we co-sleep with our kids it usually becomes musical beds at our house. We also have three kids now. Each bed has had a kid made in it. Never with said kids in it though, so not THAT kind of confession. :)

  17. I have another one. While I do enjoy sex with my husband, I secretly hope that he won’t want to have it. It seems like we can never just have “normal” sex, and it is always so late at night by the time we have alone time, and it’s messy, and I am just fine without it….I’m not even 22 yrs old yet, I should have a better drive!!

  18. Erin

    First, I must say that some of these confessions touched me – either in my heart, or at my funny bone. Tia Tammy is, as always, hilarious, and I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet her while you lived in my neck of the woods, D. And y’all avoiding sex or being avoided: please know that as your kids get older, it does get better. It also helps to live in a house in which your bedroom is wayyyy on the other side of the house from the kids, which of course, for all of us in favor of the family bed, isn’t plausible while they’re young.
    And my confession… I don’t care about socks during ess eee ex. And I’m eternally grateful to my child, because ever since my pregnancy and his birth, my orgasms have been easier to achieve and almost always phenomenal. Gives a whole new meaning to “Yeah, Baby!”

  19. Acacia

    OOoh! I wish I had something so juicy. I can’t think of anything… I’m ditto to laughing at potty humor with my son. Weird thing to me is that my husband is not so much. Sure, he understands Ev laughing about it and laughs with us sometimes when someone toots, but he hates it when I burp out loud. He thinks its totally gross! I asked him, did you not have burping contests when were a kid? Apparently he missed out on that fun..

  20. joy

    You slay me with your haiku skills.

    Welcome to the SITS community – we’re glad you joined up!

  21. LMAO!!! Too funny!

    OK, I’ve got one… I can’t remember the last time I initiated sex with my husband. I figure if he wants it, he’ll ask for it! And if he doesn’t, then that’s more sleep for me!

    I came by to welcome you to SITS! We’re happy to have you with us!

  22. We are the same way with the thermostats around here – socks in bed are a must! I’ve already confessed all sorts of odd things on my blog so I am at a loss for one at the moment.

    Welcome to SITS!! I know that you will enjoy being a part of this vibrant community of bloggers..

    • Dionna   CodeNameMama

      Whoa – 3 SITS welcomes in one day? Do you all have a list or something? ;) Thank you all for stopping by – I’m off to return the favor!

  23. there is. Hope you don’t mind. You will probably get a few more SITS comments. We are the Welcomistas :D

  24. Dionna   CodeNameMama

    I don’t mind, Carma! I feel like I need to roll out the welcome mat or something ;)

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