Comments on: Approaching Children’s Behavior with Compassion

By: brenda

brenda — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 04:44:15 +0000

Thank you my LO is 4 1/2

By: Dionna

Dionna — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 04:32:21 +0000

Without knowing more about your situation (or how old your LO is), I would first gently remind you that our little ones are going through SO much. Try to put yourself in her shoes – she is physically small, she gets to make very few decisions, she doesn’t understand what is going on with a sick grandma, she might be feeling shuffled around, she probably senses the emotions of everyone around her and doesn’t know how to process them, it must be very tough!
I think in times of stress, remember that “this too shall pass” works wonders. Give yourself some time to breathe if you need it – arrange for a friend to come over and play w/your LO so you have some free time.
I hope that your grandmother enjoys a wonderful end of her journey, and that you and your little one are left with many happy memories.

By: brenda

brenda — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 00:52:35 +0000

We are having family issues at the moment as a relative is very sick and has cancer. Our LO knows that grandma is sick and needs lots of TLC. She doesn’t know that grandma has been given a timeline but we are praying for her.
When we were away recently for our anniversary LO did play up and I am grateful for the post that I saw today cause I am going to try and use it.
I would be grateful to hear how I could address this more as she does tend to have meltdowns and sometimes talking doesn’t do anything and then I feel like I am at the end of my tether.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 12:47:16 +0000

I enjoyed reading this post as you can never be reminded too much as a parent to give your child all the love you have and they need. As far as behavior goes though my son has been difficult since birth and the limits I give him have little to do with my love for him except that I love him and want to teach him what behavior is good and right and what he needs not to do. So often we see children as little adults which just isn’t true. A two year old can make their own decisions but have no idea what the repercussions of those decisions may be. As parents we are teacher and guides to help them understand why they can’t do x rather than letting them do it and ‘learning’ from their mistakes. Children want to respect their parents but they want you to earn that respect which is why so often they test their boundaries. ‘Bribes’ and ‘threats’ are simply incentives to do the right thing which we all even as adults have in our lives. It is very few people who would say they are bribed to work because they get paid every two weeks. Rather we receive a reward for the work we do with that paycheck. It is the same with behavior ‘star charts.’ I agree that our children need more love than we can ever realize but they also need discipline and that takes love to give.

By: Christa

Christa — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 03:18:26 +0000

We try to ask ourselves all of these questions when our Paloma is having a bit of a tantrum, and it’s worked wonders. For us, I mean. Doesn’t always do anything to quell the tantrum, but we are suddenly a lot calmer and more equipped to handle the outburst because we’re then thinking rationally instead of responding emotionally. And I think Paloma picks up on that and it makes her feel safer and more loved.

By: daisy

daisy — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 23:50:20 +0000

Love the Kohn-man, even when I know I can’t fully meet the bar he sets. Most of us could do well to turn the same sort of attention to ourselves. As adults it’s easy to get so harried that we don’t realize we’re getting testy because we are exhausted or lashing out because we worked through lunch time. When we can see the source of our own behaviors they become easier to manage. I also think parenting generally falls along a very broad continuum of balancing boundary-setting with enabling independence, or put another way, balancing love with limits. So while I might lean toward a Kohn approach I’ve got to keep in mind that even my own husband may want to set the line differently. What I really like about this post is that it focuses on raising our awareness rather than criticizing any particular parenting style.

By: Michael Rosenbaum

Michael Rosenbaum — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 20:35:53 +0000

As a dad on the other end of this parenting journey, I can guarantee that control is an illusion. If we try to control our kids too much, the pressure causes them to push back in some other way or at some other time.

Anyway, it’s not our job to try to control behavior, but to guide it. What worked with my girls was setting a band of acceptable behavior. Anyplace within that band? No problem. Outside of the range? Problem. As they got older and more mature, the band widened and our input declined.

We all want our children to be capable, independent adults. The drive for independence starts early and matures, if we don’t get in the way too much.

Michael Rosenbaum
Author
Your Neme Here: Guide to Life

By: Nature Mama

Nature Mama — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:30:10 +0000

Great post! Great Tips!
I feel that Aodhan has been willful since the day he was born….and get a little sick of hearing people comment on it….I, like you, see this as a normal and natural way of being and have helped him cultivate this aspect of himself. Thanks so much for a post that normalizes it.
Yahhh for guest posts.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:30:53 +0000

This is a great post at a perfect time.

My LO seems to be weaning herself (nursed once in 2 days and refusing when I offer) and has also decided that she loves her trampoline and will not get off it. lol poor kiddo has been on it for almost 48hrs.

I could force her to get off, but I think it would do more harm than good. After all this seems to be in direct response to having no control over so many other aspects of her life. Her sister takes her toys, we tell her she has to go in the van – and the carseat. She wants to go swimming and we say no. We might be gentle when we give orders or refuse privileges – but it still comes down to having limited control.

My Dh would like us to stop feeding her until she gets off – but reading this post helped him see that it wouldn’t help at all to do that.