Our Childhood Affects Our Parenting
Have you ever reacted strongly – and automatically – to something your child says or does, only to realize later “that was my mother talking!” We all bring our own childhoods forward into parenting, and your automatic reactions are often based on your parents’ words, playing in your subconscious memory.1
Even if we do not agree with all of our own parents’ strategies or methodologies, they are echoing around our brains, playing like broken records.
Each time your child does or says something, it elicits a reaction from you. Your reaction could range from a casual observation, to praise, to mild annoyance, to anger. Without thinking about it, your reaction puts words into your mind. These are often the words from your past – words of praise that you received (or wished you would have received), words of disappointment, words of punishment.
Notice your words in reaction to your child over the course of several days, and then spend some time in self-reflection. After noticing your automatic responses, start practicing the first step in Naomi Aldort’s S.A.L.V.E. technique: separate yourself from your child’s behavior and emotions with a silent “self-talk.” Let your mind run through what you would have said, and then form a response that you will wish you would have said later. Choose to build your relationship with your child rather than to react automatically and thoughtlessly.
If you find yourself reacting negatively to your child too often, consider talking to a trusted friend, your spouse, or a counselor. There is no shame in reconnecting to your own emotions and background in order to be healthier going forward.
Do you ever hear yourself sounding just like your mother or father? Is that how you want to relate to your child?
How have you quieted your internal parent in order to be more gentle with your own child?
Photo credit: roxinasz
14 Responses to:
"Our Childhood Affects Our Parenting"
My Book Is Now Available!
For My Children: A Mother's Journal of Memories, Wishes and Wisdom
Click the cover to order now!
- When Sharing Sleep Is Tiring
- Parenting From the Inside Out
- Five Ideas to Keep Babies and Toddlers Safe from Choking
- Vote Now for Your Favorite Photos in NPN’s Flickr Contest: What Does Natural Parenting Really Look Like?
- May 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting Call for Submissions: Emergency Preparedness
Forced Weaning Due to Pregnancy
101 Things To Do Instead of Yelling or Spanking
The Effects of Circumcision on Newborn Boys
Kardashian’s Call to Cover Up
- Mother’s Day Gift Set Giveaway from moksa organics and Zoe Organics
- Natural Parents Network Holiday Gift Guide
- Giveaway: 12×16 Custom Portrait from Destany Fenton Fine Art – $220 ARV CLOSED
- Giveaway: Story Starters Game from Mama May I – $25 ARV CLOSED
- Giveaway: $35 Gift Certificate to Earthslings – $35 ARV CLOSED
- Giveaway: $30 Gift Certificate from Dominna – $30 ARV CLOSED
- Giveaway: $20 Gift Certificate to Two Pink Hearts – $20 ARV CLOSED
- Giveaway: 3 Pairs of Earrings from Job Description Mommy – $45 ARV CLOSED
- Revisionary Parenting
- Giveaway: Qwirkle Game from SeriousShops.com – $25 ARV CLOSED