Respectful Parents Respectful Kids Online Book Discussion and Giveaway CLOSED
For our second installment of the Code Name: Mama Online Book Discussion Group, we will be reading and discussing Respectful Parents Respectful Kids by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson. Anyone and everyone is invited to participate, all you need is a copy of the book (borrowed1 or bought), an hour or so each week to read, and about 20-30 minutes to join in the discussion (see below for details).
Please read to the end, because you will find questions to consider for our first discussion on February 6, plus you’ll find a link for a giveaway!
Respectful Parents Respectful Kids
Respectful Parents Respectful Kids is one of my favorite parenting books. It is modeled after Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication philosophy, and you can apply what you learn to all of your relationships – not just those with your children.
Hart and Hodson focus “on creating respect and cooperation between parents and children,” and they give us seven keys to help us work on these skills. The seven keys include concepts like “parenting wPreviewith a purpose clearly in mind, looking beyond behavior to the needs that motivate it, and actively choosing structures and practices that fulfill one’s purposes and intentions.” The authors stay away from some of the techniques that are commonly preached to parents, things like natural consequences, time-outs, incentives, and punishment, because those are all simply ways “to control kids’ behavior.”2
Respect and cooperation are not about control, nor are they about managing children’s behavior.
In Respectful Parents Respectful Kids, you will learn simple yet effective ways to build on good feelings and connection. The book “addresses the only behavior you can actually change – your own. The beauty of it is, when you change your behavior, your kids’ behavior will change too.” Think of it this way – will your children learn by having you lecture them, day in and day out? Will your ultimatums and scoldings motivate them to grow into kind people? Or will they learn by watching you live your values?3
If you would like to build your capacity to create a loving home, I hope you will join us for this discussion. “A loving home is free of fear, which is the source of all conflict. It is a place where children trust that their needs matter and that everyone’s needs – theirs included – will be considered and cared for.” Respectful Parents Respectful Kids will give you the tools you need to create such an atmosphere.4
You can purchase Respectful Parents Respectful Kids on Amazon5 ($12.21 new plus free shipping for Prime customers!), Barnes & Noble ($12.92 new and free shipping if you spend $25), straight from Puddle Dancer Press ($12.55, or as low as $8.95 if you buy multiple books), or check into one of your locally owned/independent book sellers.
I am also looking for readers/participants who have a few dollars to spare to contribute to a fund to buy books for parents who want to participate, but for financial reasons cannot buy their own copies of the book. (And isn’t it nice to have your own copy to highlight/underline for a discussion group?!) If you have the ability to contribute, please email me: CodeNameMama (at) gmail (dot) com. I will order the book from Amazon.com for the reader in need, and because I’m a prime member, we’ll get free shipping. You can send $12.21 – or any amount! – via Paypal (please mark it personal so I don’t incur fees).
How Our Book Discussion Will Work
1) Scheduled reading/discussions: We’ll read the book in three manageable chunks – I know how precious your spare time is as busy parents! Plus, the book is split into three sections, so it just makes sense. Here is our schedule for Respectful Parents Respectful Kids:
- Sunday, February 6: Our first post/online discussion will start. Before February 6, please read Part I of Respectful Parents Respectful Kids (hereafter RPRK), that’s 44 pages. You will see a few questions at the end of this post – please keep those in mind as you read, and jot down some thoughts/reactions for each question to share with the group. In a change from our last online book discussion, we’re going to move the actual conversations over to the Natural Parents Network Forums – see #3 below for more information.
- Sunday, February 20: We will discuss Part II. Questions for February 20 will be posted on February 6.
- Sunday, March 6: We will discuss Part III. Questions for March 6 will be posted on February 20.
2) How to Participate in Discussions: Discussions will take place on the Natural Parents Network Forums throughout. Please take a minute to sign up for the forums and check them out. You will see a subfolder specifically dedicated to “Online Book Discussions” located in “Books and More,” that’s where we’ll chat. For each of the three discussions, I will post a short piece on our reading, ask for your thoughts/feedback/questions on the reading, and present the questions for the next week. There are two main ways to participate:
- Contribute your feedback and questions on each post: When you are ready to join in the discussion, click over to the Natural Parents Network Forums. Start your own thread or reply to someone who has already posted in the “Online Book Discussions” subfolder. Leave a comment on the post itself if you are having trouble – I’m happy to help I doubt it will be a problem, but please keep my “Comment Policy” in mind – let’s all try to be respectful, even when we disagree.
- Email a challenging situation for inclusion in the questions/group discussion for the following week: Each week we will feature the challenges that you have been having with your little ones. Participants can offer suggestions and ideas based on the concepts presented in RPRK.
(Potential) Special Appearance & Giveaways
Now for the really exciting parts.
1) I contacted Sura Hart to make sure we were legally allowed to have an online discussion group of RPRK (since we’d be quoting/citing portions of it, etc.). She responded and not only gave us her blessings, but Sura Hart will also try to stop by and join in the discussions as her schedule allows!
So that means it’s even MORE important for you to leave your thoughtful feedback and questions on each post. You might just get an answer or advice from Sura Hart herself!
2) We’re going to have a giveaway! Puddle Dancer Press has graciously agreed to donate a copy of Respectful Parents Respectful Kids to one Code Name: Mama reader. The giveaway will take place at the conclusion of our discussion of RPRK – you can find giveaway details at this post. Please note – this post has been edited, because we opened the giveaway up to all Code Name: Mama and Natural Parents Network readers. Book discussion participants may still obtain extra entries in the giveaway by participating in the online discussion.
Questions? Contact me!
Discussion Questions for Sunday, February 6
Please think about these questions as you read through Part I of RPRK. Write down some answers/responses and stop by Code Name: Mama and the Natural Parents Network Forums on February 6 to share them with the group.
If you have been facing a specific challenging situation with your child and would like some RPRK input from the group, please contact me. Read the “gentle parenting suggestions” guidelines for ideas on what details to include.
Chapter 1: Respect and Cooperation: What Parents Want and How to Get It
1) What are your definitions of cooperation and respect? Did your definitions evolve as you read through Chapter 1?
2) As you read through Part I this week, take time to notice how you are asking your child to do things or to help you. Are you making unilateral decisions that she is expected to follow? Or are you working together? If you can, share an example of how you contributed to cooperation in your house at the NPN forums (look for the “Online Book Discussions” folder under “Books and More”).
3) When you look at your child, what do you usually focus on? Do you focus on misbehavior? Do you focus on needs? What is the difference?
Chapter 2: Self-Respect: Parents Have Needs Too
4) What are you doing to take care of your own needs? If you’re not doing enough, resolve today to take at least 15 minutes for yourself each day for the rest of this discussion group. Share how you are spending that time with us at the NPN forums.
Chapter 3: What Takes the Co- Out of Co-operation?
5) Think of an example of one of your child’s challenging behaviors: instead of labeling, tell us how you could approach your child by sharing a clear observation (without labels and evaluations) about what you see your child doing and how it affects you.
6) Does it make you nervous to think about giving up rewards and punishments with your child? Why or why not?
7) In your interactions with your children this week, notice whether you are using “but” or “should” statements. Share them with us in the forums, and let’s all brainstorm ways we could communicate with our children in a more respectful and cooperative way.
- Many public libraries will have a copy. ↩
- Respectful Parents Respectful Kids at 7. ↩
- Respectful Parents Respectful Kids at 8-9. ↩
- Respectful Parents Respectful Kids at 10. ↩
- As always, Amazon links are affiliate links, meaning I get a few cents if you click and buy from this link. I appreciate your support! ↩
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