Respectful Parents Respectful Kids, Part 2 Discussion

February 21st, 2011 by Dionna | Leave a comment
Posted in Book Discussions, Carnival and Special Series, Consensual Living, Gentle Discipline Ideas, Successes, and Suggestions, Gentle/Positive Discipline, natural parenting, Respond with Sensitivity, Reviews and Giveaways

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Welcome to Code Name: Mama’s second online book club! It is so exciting to be surrounded by parents who are motivated to explore ways in which we can grow and offer our children the best of ourselves. Today is our second discussion of Respectful Parents Respectful Kids by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson. Anyone and everyone is invited to participate, all you need is a copy of the book (borrowed1 or bought), an hour or so each week to read, and about 20-30 minutes to join in the discussion (see below for details).

Every week the format for the book club will include a brief summary of the section we read as well as discussion questions. This isn’t Parenting 101, so don’t get stressed! No one expects you to write down a bunch of answers and you certainly will not be graded. Just use the information to your benefit and then join in the ongoing conversation surrounding these questions throughout the week. We may not discuss every question, we will see where the conversation takes us. You can discuss the questions in the comments below, but I’d encourage you to head over to the Natural Parents Network forums, where we can have longer, more meaningful (and orderly) conversations. Just look for the “Online Book Discussions” folder under “Books and More.”

If you find something in the book sparks an emotion, or if you discover you could use some book club advice for a specific situation, please email Dionna.

Respectful Parents Respectful Kids Part 2 (The 7 Keys to Cooperation) Summary

Key 1: To determine what we’re parenting for, the authors ask readers to answer these questions: 1) What qualities do I want to see in my children when they are adults? and 2) What kind of relationship do I want to have with my children, not only now but in the long term? Then, for every quality or value you want to see in your children, turn it into a value you want to live. The answers to your questions can help you choose your parenting purpose.

Key 2: All behavior is an attempt to meet a human need. Taking time to respectfully listen for your child’s needs will often result in more connection, understanding, and opportunities to cooperate.

Key 3: A child needs emotional safety to grow. When children are confronted by a physical or emotional threat (yelling, hitting, etc.), hormones are secreted that automatically shut down the thinking, learning, and reasoning zones of the brain. Take time to learn about your child’s developmental stage, to accept your child’s personality and learning style.

Key 4: What kind of gifts does your child like to give? You? Your spouse? By recognizing the gifts your children have to give and by developing the skills to gratefully receive them, you meet needs for contribution that affect self-worth.

Key 5: Make sure every communication comes from the intention to connect. Develop the skill of making clear observations without evaluation. Learn the difference between “requests” and “demands.”

Key 6: Learn to cooperate together with your child. Letting go becomes easier when you realize that there are more strategies for solving problems than there are problems.

Key 7: Choose to see conflict as a problem to solve. Trust that there are solutions and that your needs will be met.

Discussion Questions for Part 2

1) How do your thoughts about your children color how you see them and their behavior? And how can you focus on changing negative thoughts into more positive ones?

2) Do you find yourself telling your child that he “has to” do something? What would happen if you started telling the truth about choice?

3) Give a few examples from your own experience of the difference between needs and strategies for meeting needs.

4) How have your actions this week affected your child’s emotional safety?

5) Think of a time your child has said “no” to you. How did you get (or how could you have gotten) to the “yes” behind the no?

6) What kind of gifts does your child like to give?

7) Think about an evaluation you have made to/about your child lately. Reword it so that it becomes an observation.

8 ) Think about doable requests, non doable requests, and demands. Which do you generally use, and what reactions do you have when your child says “no”?

9) What areas of your life would you like to see more cooperation? Let’s brainstorm together ideas for how we can all look for more cooperation.

10) How can you change your mindset to seeing conflict as a problem to solve rather than as something to avoid?

What other thoughts or questions did you have as you read through Part 2? Please share with us here in the comments and at the Natural Parents Network Forums.

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Our next discussion of Respectful Parents Respectful Kids will start on Sunday, March 6. Until then, please feel free to discuss Parts 1 and 2 – you can jump in at any time.

While you are reading Part 3, please keep these questions in mind – jot down your responses, your own questions, stories, and comments, and email me if you have a story or question you’d like to share.

Discussion Questions for Part 3

1) Try one of the Family Meeting activities between now and our next discussion (pages 136-151). Write down your thoughts, feelings, observations, etc.

2) Try one of the Life-Enriching Practices between now and our next discussion (pages 152-173). Write down your thoughts, feelings, observations, etc.

3) Try one of the Peaceful Conflict Resolution activities between now and our next discussion (pages 174-180). Write down your thoughts, feelings, observations, etc.

  1. Many public libraries will have a copy.

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