My Pregnancy Support System

March 16th, 2012 by Dionna | 11 Comments
Posted in Carnival and Special Series, Consensual Living, Just for Fun/Miscellaneous, My Family, natural parenting, Pregnancy and Birth

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Welcome to the Pregnancy Necessities Carnival!
This post was written for inclusion in the Pregnancy Necessities Carnival hosted by Parenting God’s Children. Today, participants share what they simply cannot live without during their pregnancies or simply what to gather for their upcoming new addition. Please see the full list of links to the other carnival submissions at the end of this post. Enjoy!

When I first started contemplating the things I could not live without while pregnant, the obvious came to mind – friends, my chiropractor, comfy pillows to put between my knees, meditations to calm my nerves, cloth pantyliners. (Really, I could not live without my pantyliners.)

But what I truly could not live without this pregnancy was my two boys. Here are a few reasons why:

My Involved, Supportive Boys

Kieran was there when I peed on the stick. Since Kieran and I spend just about 24 hours out of every day together, there aren’t many aspects of my pregnancy that Kieran did not join me in. The morning we found out we were expecting number two was shortly after we reentered our house after I almost set it on fire by burning chicken stock on the stove.1 Kieran and I had slept in the guest bed, and Tom was on the couch (we did not have our replacement bed yet, and the bed was too small for three). We woke up, and Kieran said “let’s go take a pregnancy test!” We’d been trying for months, and he knew the drill.

Within seconds after I put the stick on the bathroom counter, Kieran’s little voice rang out, “Mama! You are pregnant!” I rushed in, thinking he was mistaken. Nope – that child knows how to read a pregnancy test, and he got to announce it. I love that!

Both Tom and Kieran helped me practice my yoga and meditations. After a rough labor and delivery with Kieran, I was nervous about a similar experience for #2, and so I spent a lot of time preparing my mind and body.

The mainstay of that preparation was meditation and yoga practice. The yoga helped my muscles prepare for the physical work of labor, and the meditation helped me convince myself to trust my body, to give control over to my body’s inherent birthing wisdom. Kieran often took part in both, and when I would forget to practice my relaxation exercises, he reminded me. Tom took an interest in my yoga, often telling me how beautiful I looked and commenting on how it must be the yoga that was helping me stay so fit during my pregnancy. It was nice to hear.

Both of my boys helped take care of me physically throughout my pregnancy. I was joking to some friends that one of my pregnancy must-haves is Tom’s hands – he gave me a foot or back rub almost every night once my weight gain started bothering me. And it was heaven. Kieran supported me by helping me carry things in from the car, by opening and closing doors for me, by helping me pick up around the house, and by becoming more independent in general. Tom also stepped up with his share of the household work, too. And he continues to do much more around the house now that I am tied to a baby more often than not.

My boys supported me emotionally during pregnancy. Tom and Kieran are both so good about listening and showing affection when I feel anxious or sad. It was nice to be able to deal with everyone’s feelings about adding a baby to our family dynamic. I believe that talking openly with Kieran about my own worries allowed him to express and process his own concerns as well. Tom is also good about reading when I need encouragement or a kind word, and he does not hesitate to reassure me verbally or offer a hug or shoulder.

Both Tom and Kieran provided just the right amount of support during labor. After I woke Tom up to start getting the birth pool ready (which we never used), I needed him to help me get through contractions on several occasions by doing the double hip squeeze. He never complained, but he did tell me later that the pressure I was asking for took every ounce of strength he had.2

When it came time to push, Tom’s calm demeanor was a rock that I could cling to. And one of the sweetest memories for me of Ailia’s birth was Kieran rubbing my head and saying “You can do this, mama!” I couldn’t have asked for a better birth experience with my family there to support me.

So while there are many material things that are nice to have during pregnancy, my true essentials were my family.

What could you not live without while pregnant?


Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants!

  1. Yes, it was so bad that we had to live in a hotel for over a week while professionals came in to clean every inch of our house.
  2. I know, I know, I was doing the bulk of the work that night. But there is a good reason to have a doula – to spell your partner on duties like the double hip squeeze!

11 Responses to:
"My Pregnancy Support System"

  1. Ruth

    What a sweet post, filled to overflowing with love, and thankfulness!!! I must tell you that this made my heart swell with pride and joy about the lovely family that you and Tom are building!!!
    I love you all!!

  2. Shannon @ The Artful Mama   The_ArtsyMama

    I love this and I couldn’t agree more. Little Man has learned to smooth my hair and I have no idea where he figured it out but every night when we are getting ready for bed lately he smoothes mine and then I smooth his.
    I am so excited about the change in my birth plan now because I can have my boys there to support me as well.
    I loved K’s announcement and how mature he was to support you during birth. You’ve got an awesome team over there.

  3. Kym

    My boys have been a huge help for me as well! Andrew is very fascinated by all this pregnancy stuff, so he’s been very loving and comforting. I love that he understands mama has been sick and needs lots of cuddles!

  4. Amy   presenceparents

    Love this, Dionna. So heartfelt and descriptive of how you value your boys. I have tears in my eyes.

    Anyhow, I’m with you… one’s support system is paramount to enjoying and making the most of pregnancy… life, really. At least for me. :)

  5. Sarah   Sarah_the_doula

    I LOVE this take on the carnival. And seriously! Keiran got to tell you that you were finally adding to your family?! What a sweet moment! Your story at the end makes me eager to labor with my WHOLE family <3 Thanks, Dionna!

  6. Charise@I Thought I Knew Mama   ithoughtiknewma

    So sweet! You’re a lucky mama!

  7. I love that your son announced it! So adorable!!! :)

  8. Ursula Ciller   ursula_ciller

    I love the way you involve the whole family. I believe that this is what will make a new baby’s brothers or sisters excited and happy about a new family member instead of jealous. I like to involve my little girl as much as possible (even though she is only 17 months old). She points to my belly and says, “Baby!” :)

  9. Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama   hybridrastamama

    Ok – so your post was the tear jerker of the bunch. Beautifully written. You are really so very lucky to have such a support system. Kieran is a testament to how wonderful a mother you are. Most boys his age would not be at all interested in being a part of anything Kieran joyfully embraced. And of course the icing on the cake was his encouragement while you gave birth. *sniff*

  10. Awww so sweet to have both your boys being there for you throughout your pregnancy!

  11. Rosa Hess

    You and your boys are so blessed to have been through this journey together! Involving my whole family in my pregnancies is also very important to me too. When I was pregnant with my second baby my oldest girl who was 3 at the time loved following her sister’s progress and she came with me to my ultrasound appointments. I did that with every other child. When my 4th baby was born the doctor allowed my oldest to be present at the birth so it was a great blessing. My 5th baby was my first home birth and that only escalated the joy and closeness we experienced as a family as together we anticipated the birth of our new baby boy! Then when he was born in my bedroom floor with my other little ones looking on it was .

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