Giveaway: Parenting for Peace – $38 ARV CLOSED

July 8th, 2012 by Dionna | 20 Comments
Posted in Closed, natural parenting, Reviews and Giveaways

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This is a joint giveaway between Code Name: Mama and Natural Parents Network. You may enter at one site only. Please find the section marked “Win it!” for the mandatory entry and optional bonus entries.

This is a giveaway of two copies of Parenting for Peace by Marcy Axness. Two readers will win one copy each, both valued at $18.95 for a total ARV of $37.90!

From our reviewer, Dionna at Code Name: Mama:

About Parenting for Peace

I first heard about Marcy Axness’s book, Parenting for Peace, on a podcast from Amber at Strocel.com. I was so intrigued by what I heard that I knew I had to read the whole book.

Parenting for Peace presents a set of principles that parents (current and expecting) can adopt and adapt to their families to raise the next generation of peacemakers. The principles are:

Presence
Awareness
Rhythm
Example
Nurturance
Trust
Simplicity

Axness applies these seven principles to seven different “steps” of our parenting lives, from cultivating a fertile mind and body to shepherding our children into the world. Through scientific research and data from experts in diverse fields, Axness shares a road map for how to raise a peacemaker.

What is a peacemaker? It is someone who is “[v]itally engaged in both inner and outer life, imbued with comprehensive social intelligence, . . . [who has] intellectual and emotional flexibility, robust imagination and the ability to devise innovative solutions to complex puzzles.” A peacemaker is resilient and feels safe.1 The seven steps and principles “foster the optimal development of [the brain] and support the flourishing of the whole child – body and mind.”2

What I love most about this book is that Axness not only delves deep into some fascinating research about how we are wired (from conception on) and what parenting techniques are helpful (or not), but she also gives concrete examples of positive parenting techniques and practices that can have far-reaching effects.

Here are just a few of the techniques:

Presence:

“[W]hatever you put your attention on, you get more of. When we’re upset, we’re choosing to be present to that which we don’t want. When we get annoyed or angry with our children the same thing happens — we’re being present to everything we don’t want, rather than standing in that loving, authoritative center and focusing on what we do want (and calmly expect) from our child.”3

Instead of focusing on any anger you may be feeling, Axness encourages parents to find something they can appreciate. “Think of something that pulls up the ‘appreciation’ feeling from your mental file cabinet, and immerse yourself in that feeling now: . . . . This is especially helpful when you’re in the grip of angry feelings, because as sophisticated an instrument as your brain is, when you’re in a stressed or highly emotional state, it becomes fairly primitive and can deal with only one thing at a time — either anger or appreciation.”4

Example:

“If we complain about chores — even just in the way we make the gesture of doing the chore — it will be emulated (perhaps not right away, but years from now). So, for example, take care that the books you read to your little one also interest you; if you are forcing yourself to read to your child (again, as a chore), you risk his imitation in the form of resisting the desire to read!”5

*By the way, I think there is a way to enjoy reading to your child, even if the book isn’t your idea of fun. Just like mamas can choose to nurse through aversion, we can choose to spend time with our children doing things that may not be high on our priority lists – and we can take joy in doing so. I’d recommend adapting this inner awareness exercise, along with any of the other meditations you can access at Presence Parenting.

Nurturance:

Here’s an interesting tidbit for you birth junkies: “The latest, hottest technology for midwives (or anyone else attending a birth) is . . . wait for it . . . knitting! A midwife (or doula, or partner) sitting serenely in a corner knitting is considered state of the art in progressive labor care. Knitting reduces adrenaline (in the knitter and by extension in the laboring woman) and cultivates the perfect atmosphere: monotonous, repetitive and beautiful. (A fringe benefit is that knitting is also known to facilitate hemispheric integration in the brain, readying a caregiver for optimally effective responsiveness when he or she is needed).”6

*And you know how I already feel about using knitting as depression help!

Axness also has a section on parenting methods that “de-peace” children: spanking, shaming (for example, saying “why did you lie to me?!” to your four year old), and isolating (i.e., using time-outs). She presents research on why these techniques are harmful (up to a global level) and offers alternatives to promote peaceful interactions.

Sprinkled throughout the text are fascinating stories and anecdotes that will have you reevaluating how you see parenting and life.

Parenting for Peace is one of my new favorite parenting books. I highly encourage you to pick up a copy of Parenting for Peace so you can read more.

BUY IT!

You can purchase your own copy of Parenting for Peace on Amazon for $12.63.

Or pick up a signed copy plus the CD “Calm Authority for Mothers” at Marcy’s website for $39.95.

WIN IT!

For your own chance to win one of two copies of Parenting for Peace, enter by leaving a comment and using our Rafflecopter system below.

Two winners will each receive one copy of Parenting for Peace. Contest is open worldwide.

MANDATORY ENTRY: Tell us one way you have parented peacefully this week. You must enter your name and email address in the Rafflecopter entry system for your entry to count, after leaving a comment on this blog post.

Leave a valid email address so we can contact you if you win. Email addresses in Rafflecopter are not made publicly visible. Please leave the same valid email address in your mandatory comment so we can verify entries.

BONUS ENTRIES:
See the Rafflecopter entry system for bonus entries to increase your chance of winning after completing the mandatory entry. All bonus entries are entered directly into Rafflecopter. Just click “Click for instructions” for guidance and then “I did this” — any comments or extra information such as URLs can be entered into the “Extra Info” box. Give it a try or visit the Rafflecopter tutorial, and email or leave a comment if you have any questions!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Contest closes July 24, 2012 at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Time.

Disclosure: Our reviewer received a sample product for review purposes.
Amazon links are affiliate links.
We try to seek out only products we think you would find
relevant and useful to your life as a natural parent.
If we don’t like a product, we won’t be recommending it to you.
See our full disclosure policy here.
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20 Responses to:
"Giveaway: Parenting for Peace – $38 ARV CLOSED"

  1. Michelle

    Fantastic giveaway, I really hope I win! I am not yet a parent but learning about it beforehand is one of my passions. Right now I am focusing on working on myself as this is a time in my life that I can feel passing quickly but will be missed when it’s over.

  2. would love to learn and they use these helpful techniques!

  3. My 4-year-old can get rather hyper, and that can exasperate me sometimes. Rather than nagging him about the messes he made as he tore through the house, I told him that we were going outside to touch as many trees as we could. So we went outside. I loped along slowly while he dashed around touching trees and counting. When he bored of that, I threw a ball and told him to chase it… We did this until his energy wore down and we could go back inside. I try to do this as much as possible, since it offers a chance to connect instead of getting angry or trying to stifle his energy.

  4. Sarah Hull

    I have a 2 year old son and when he gets frustrated or overwhelmed by his emotions, he has started to hit himself or run to a wall and hit it. :( He then bursts into tears, because he is hurt on top of his feelings of frustrations. When this starts to happen, I kneel down to his level and try to offer a hug or kiss his boo-boo’s. Once he’s ready for a hug, I talk with him about being gentle to ourselves and that we don’t need to hit if we’re frustrated or angry. Sometimes he’ll say that he’s having a hard day and I’ll try to empathize with him and hug and kiss him. Then, I’ll suggest something fun and/or calm for us to go do.

  5. Amy Bailey   amymccarty1985

    We co-sleep and I think this is beautiful. I really enjoy waking up to my daughters little face in the morning :)

  6. Janine (Alternative Housewife)   thejaninefowler

    My toddler loves to spill water on purpose to play in it. Rather than yell at him, I (almost) always laugh with him and let him play, and then hand him a rag to clean up his own mess (which he also enjoys). It’s admittedly more frustrating when he’s dumping milk or juice and not just water, but still not a big deal. And I know it’s BIG FUN for him.

  7. Pam M   TexBaritone

    I have started to stop saying ‘no’ to my 2 year old all the time. I have changed it to a positive saying. I am trying to only use ‘no’ when necessary.

  8. Amy Phoenix   presenceparents

    One experience that comes to mind this week about parenting peacefully was a few moments I shared with my youngest this morning. We just sat soaking in each other’s presence and without words I honored the lovely, whole being that she is. To me, spending time appreciating my children is one of the foundational pieces of creating a life of peace together… one moment at a time of course. :)

  9. Karyn Ireland

    I am a first time mother of a beautiful 10 month old baby girl. I have recently started consciously working on expressing myself in a positive way, rather than resorting to expressing my critical inner voice. I am also trying to say “no” and “don’t” less often; instead of “Please don’t throw your food,” I’m saying, “Food goes in your mouth!”

  10. Sarah MacLaughlin   sarahmaclaugh

    I set aside everything yesterday afternoon and hung out in thebackyard with my son watching the chickens. we call it “chicken T.V.” and it was very peaceful.

  11. Jessica

    We played kitchen for a long time and then went in the real kitchen and made dinner. It was very nice.

  12. Darien M

    My son is 14 mths old and has really started to test his boundaries. Instead of saying no when he plays with the floor lamp, climbs on the fireplace etc, I go over and we explore the item & textures together. Then I explain that he could get hurt playing with that item and then we go play with something else. It hasn’t kept him away from certain things yet but he does look to make sure I’m watching before he goes over there, it’s pretty funny!

  13. Maria

    Would love to learn these techniques.

  14. Instead of getting all worked up trying to tell my 3 year old son that it is not nice to say ‘Stupid Ant!’, I have learned to ignore it, not to dwell on it and don’t give attention to him when he says it.

  15. Helena s

    This week, we went to visit some friends. It’s a long drive, and we left when my son seemed like he was ready for a nap. He didn’t fall asleep right away and twice we stopped for about forty minutes to let him nurse and stretch and pee, even though at that point we were within a half-hour of our destination. When his needs are met, he’s a content boy and I try to remember that each time he gets frustrated.

  16. Michelle

    Instead of feeling annoyed and hurried as I try to cook dinner and get my toddler to entertain himself, I have been finding small ways to include him in dinner prep! We’re both loving it and if he chooses not to help he will usually go play by himself.

  17. Stuart

    Stayed calm when I felt like losing it with a kid bouncing off the walls and running around like a mad child.

  18. I strive to parent peacefully every day of every week, sometimes with great success thanks to all of the info available online, and in great books like the one in this giveaway, today.

    To pick one instance though, I made a sign from a wall post I saw on Facebook, reading “Be careful how you speak to your children, one day it will become their inner voice.” I am making several signs like this one to put around the house as a reminder for myself and my loving husband that not yelling, and not using physical or emotionally damaging punishments is what we believe and that we can beat the socialized dominance in our lives that we are surrounded by daily. Our morals and values ARE different then what we were raised thinking they should be.

  19. Missy

    We came up with the concept of honoring each other’s bodies with a sweet little ritual. When we hurt each other physically, by mistake or on purpose (and after calming down and settling whatever dispute there might have been) we do a quick bow and say “I honor your body” to the injured person. So far, it seems to help the injured person feel more respected and acknowledged, and it’s just a little silly, so it gets some giggles going. This is not something we force, but something we brainstormed as a way to make things right between us.

  20. Monica U.

    We put words to our 13 month old’s frustrations, to help him feel heard, (rather than saying no or nothing at all) even if we still need him to do something he doesn’t want (like get his diaper changed) or touch something that’s dangerous.

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